Marriage and College Students
Should You Get Married After or During School, or Wait?
Ready to trade your graduation cap for a wedding veil? Hang on. Here are some questions you should ask before you get married right after college.
Should students get married as soon as they graduate from college? Or during college? These are personal questions that don't come with an easy or one-size-fits-all answer. If you are considering marriage in the near future, however, here are some good questions to ask yourself and your partner.
Are Your Future Goals Compatible?
One potential problem with getting married young is that you might not know exactly what your future goals are. However, to the best of your ability, sit down with your partner and map out what you think will be important to you in the future. Make sure you are completely honest with each other about what you both want-- and about whether you'd be willing be genuinely willing to make sacrifices to help your partner meet his or her future goal. Some questions to ask:
- Do you want children? If so, when, and how many?
- If there are children, will both parents work, or will there be a stay-at-home parent?
- Where do you want to live, now and in the future? Do you want to stay near the place where you grew up, or do you want to relocate?
- What are your career plans?
- Is graduate or professional school is the future? If so, will the other be willing to relocate or work to pay for the other's education?
- What lifestyle do you see yourself leading? What financial goals and acquisitions are important to you?
- What kinds of relationships will you have with your family in the future?
- How will religion fit into your lives?
- What kind of gender roles do you expect of each other?
Are You Getting Married For the Wrong Reasons?
There are all kinds of bad, bad reasons to get married. College students who are facing an uncertain future may see marriage as a way to make the transition easier-- but it's not. Make sure that you're not getting married for one of these reasons:
- Because your parents or friends expect it
- Because your partner is pressuring you and/or threatening to leave if you don't commit to marriage
- Because it seems like the thing to do when you graduate from college
- Because lots of your friends are getting married
- Because the future as an adult seems scary, and it feels so much easier to face things with a spouse
- Because you're afraid of being alone
- Because you're in love with the idea of romance
- Because you're in love with the idea of a fairy tale wedding.
Should You Wait a Few Months/Years?
It's a romantic vision: you graduate together, get married the next month, and then start your lives hand-in-hand. Sometimes this works just fine. However, there are some excellent reasons to wait a few months before getting married, or even years.
Graduating from college is a transitional time. Yes, having someone around to help make that transition may make things easier. On the other hand, the logistics become more difficult. If there are two people trying to find jobs, and move out of their parents' homes, and possibly relocate, and possibly start graduate school, it might just be easier if you make all these adjustments separately, even if it means living apart for awhile. And marriage is a huge transition, so why add that to the other inevitable transitions you're going to face?
Another consideration is financial-- especially if there's a big wedding involved. You may have student loans in your near future and the expenses of starting out on your own. Perhaps you should get this all in order before getting married.
And speaking of weddings, do you really want to plan a wedding your senior year or during your first days in the workforce? This is a very busy time, with job interviews and final projects and enjoying the last days of college. Wedding planning is a headache you don't need.
Are You Willing to Go the Distance?
Marriage is about the biggest commitment you can imagine, and ending a marriage is a dreadful experience. Are you ready to make sacrifices your your partner, now and in the future, no matter how difficult things may get? Are you ready to spend every day with this person for the rest of your lives? If you can honestly answer yes to these questions, you may indeed be ready.
